Back After A Long Break

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Hey friends, welcome back to the Uncommon Freedom Show. I am Kevin, your host, joined by my lovely co-host, Becca Tinter. Hey, welcome back, Beck. It has been a really long time.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

It's good to be at the microphone in my own house.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

It's been a really long time.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Over a year.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

I think so.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Yeah, it has been a whirlwind, probably of uh 16 months or longer than that. But um we'll update people. I know some people have caught things on social media, just the craziness of our family and a lot of changes in business.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Uh it's been a heck of a season, but today what we want to do is really encourage people who are married or looking to get married. Uh, over the weekend, we celebrated 28 years of wedded bliss, so happy anniversary.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Same to you, babe.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Yeah, it was uh a wonderful, wonderful uh weekend. Uh we normally many people have heard us talk about our quarterly retreats. And yes, we normally uh have been able to get away for four to four to four nights, five days. Um, and we've just been in a season where um it just didn't make sense, and we've learned that there's seasons for everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

We protected those for a few years, and basically they those were rocks in our schedule that we were unwilling to give up.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

So But I think what we also learned is that do what you can do. Yeah. And even um my friend John, uh, he and his wife went through one of our Thrive workshops, and their big takeaway was doing the quarterly retreats. And he's reported to me like they've been consistently doing them. Um, they get away for like two nights, and it's a huge difference. And so, even though you know, for us, our preferences five days, um, if you're married, I highly recommend at least quarterly get away for a night. Uh and uh we're so blessed. Uh, we went to one of our favorite resorts.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Yes, shout out to the princess.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Yeah, and Gorin. Uh so kind of a fun story is back in 2020 time frame when a lot of hotels were shut down and very restrictive. Um, we know the we knew that the GM of the Princess is a very patriotic, freedom-minded individual, and his leadership really trickles down into the service and just the spirit of the hotel. They throw an incredible July 4th celebration every summer. Um, and that's probably our first experience at The Princess.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Fourth of July 2017.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

17 or 18, something like that. Yeah. But we checked in in during the COVID time, and uh we got this bellman named Gorin, and he was just super friendly. Uh, we weren't wearing masks, and I don't think he was either. And it was a season where anyone who didn't hassle us got a nice tip, whether it was at a restaurant or hotel or anywhere. And, you know, without any agenda, just gave him a nice tip, and he took incredible care of us on that trip. And we just kept on running into him when we would go back, and at some point got his you know, cell phone number, and he's like, Hey, let me know anytime you come in. And he has just blessed us so many times, uh, making sure that every time we get there, we get we go there, we get upgrades, you know, we get Mother's Day brunch for the time that you prefer. Um, and uh it's been a really fun connection.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

And yeah, we check on each other's families. And um, when I showed up a couple weeks ago with Carson just to hang out for the day, he was like, How come you didn't message me? So, you know, he's just someone who really loves service and he loves taking care of it.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

He tries to refuse a tip from us. I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

I know. We sell we tell him you can't refuse a blessing, right? And if you ever need to want to bless someone and they they refuse to take it, we just say you can't turn down a blessing.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah, it's something we learned back in Okinawa. So um today, if if you stay tuned with us at the end, uh we are going to share our top secret for not getting divorced. I meant to actually do some research on the statistics of marriage and you know, kind of what the average marriage time frame is and uh and just some of the you know unfortunate statistics that really dominate the culture of marriage in our society today. Um, and I forgot to do that, but without a doubt, when

Quarterly Retreats And A Resort Story

SPEAKER_01 4:41

we go places, restaurant, we're celebrating our anniversary, and people ask, uh they're we're typically met with shock um by how long. That's we're so young looking. Uh but it, you know, it's it's a sad truth that you know divorce has really um wreaked havoc on our culture. Uh it's had a really uh negative impact on our kids, and we're not trying to cast judgment. Our kids, but that's our kids as in a society. Yeah, not our personal children. But um, and we're not trying to make anyone feel guilty or cast judgment. Really, what we want to do in this episode, we're gonna share our top five highs and lows of 28 years, or at least at the top. And through this, what we want to encourage you is that you can get through anything, especially as a Christian with the Holy Spirit comforting us and guiding us. Um, when we look back at some of the challenges that at the time felt devastating in many ways, um, there's a number that we look back at and we say, man, that was actually a blessing in disguise. And sometimes it took years to really see how it was a blessing. But we really want to encourage you that if you just stick together, if you have a strong community around you, that you that is a huge one.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

So and quick asterisks like we're not talking about an abusive marriage where it's obviously appropriate to leave and stay protected. So we're talking about the average marriage, we're talking about, you know, the ability to fight and contend for each other in a society where most people are selfish or just say, like, it's too hard or it's too much, or you know, I want more or I want better. And we're just gonna say, you know, when two imperfect people marry each other, there's gonna be a lot of imperfection. But man, it was really how God designed the family, and it's been such a blessing to walk through this season with you.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

So and I think the entitlement mentality of our current culture really wreaks havoc on marriage because it's easy to think, uh, you know, oh girl, you deserve better. Um, you know, or dude, you deserve better. And I would agree with that, but we need to spin that one 180 degrees. My wife deserves better. And hopefully, um wives.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

I was supposed to say, and my husband deserves better.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Yeah, so pick up on the deserve better, but it, but it's we we should our spouse deserves better from us, is what we what we think you should uh switch to. So um do you want to start with start with a low and then we can always finish with a high.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

So we'll be doing them one at a time. This could take a while, but yeah, let's just work through. Okay. Well, um, these are not in order, so I guess I should have said, I should have prefaced with they're not in any particular order, but certainly at the top of our list is just the year we've walked through, the year and a half we've walked through with our son. Um, dropping him off at a youth home in Georgia was the worst thing I've ever done in my in my parenting journey and really hard. And we're excited to tell the other part of that story as we, you know, hopefully exit that season and can really we've seen God's faithfulness through it. But one of the things I felt so strongly about in that low was the fact that our marriage in that highly stressful, really heartbreaking time actually became stronger and we clinged to each other in that moment when I think, you know, in a less healthy marriage or in another situation, people would have been attacking each other and it would have been something that could have torn a marriage apart.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Yeah. Um, and just so you know, we have full permission from our son to talk about this. We're not uh we're not betraying competence. Right. And uh we may say his name, and if we do, he's totally okay with that. But um, you know, we're trying to be cautious with it. But I think, you know, he he's actually told us that he needed to be where he's at. Um he uh harbors zero resentment. And you know, since then I've had conversations, you know, just a couple weeks ago. I was texting with one of my former sergeants at the police department, and she was just sharing that one of her um family members passed away. Uh, I think he was teenager or maybe young 20s, young adult, but um, it started with marijuana usage and uh he ended up dying of a fentanyl overdose. And it's one of those things where our culture has really minimized marijuana. I personally have a passionate loathing of it. Uh as a former police officer, I've yet to see it make anyone's life better, and I've seen it wreak havoc on people, on families. Uh, I do believe it is a gateway drug, and it's one of those things where um you know I went on a four-mile walk this morning, and every time I go for a walk, I notice vapes on the side of the road.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Wow. And every time we live in a pretty nice suburb, too.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

I do. And I I I notice new vapes virtually every single time I go for a walk. And you know, one of the things that we learned is, you know, our our kids were able to just pick those up and experiment with them. And you have no idea what's in there. Uh, you know, a lot of them contain marijuana, but we don't know what they're laced with, we don't know who's used them. And as disgusting as that sounds, you know, when a teenager is tempted and they see this in culture, it's very easy for them to say, you know what, I'm just gonna give this a try. And, you know, one of the conversations we had was we you don't know what's in there.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

And um it was yeah, so making the decision was incredibly hard. I'll never forget.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Um, you know, making it was hard and executing it was hard. Both things were really, really hard.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, I think the execution is probably even harder, and I'll never forget, you know, trying to give him a hug when we dropped him off.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Yeah. Yeah, the alternative was burying him or potentially seeing him ruin his life with a really poor decision.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

So I I think we could probably do a whole podcast, but one of the uh filters that we use for decision making is what are we more likely to regret? And we don't like to live with regrets. However,

Divorce Culture And A Better Mindset

SPEAKER_01 10:56

this is one area where when we make decisions, we'll say, are we more likely to regret A or B? And when it came to making this decision, we knew we had this discussion many times, that if, God forbid, we were we took what seemed like the easy path of just putting up with it and not being without our son for it's been almost 16 months, and by the time he comes home, it'll probably be about 17.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Well, with both situations, he's been gone over 18 months. So it's been a long time.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

But we knew that if something were to happen, like what happened to my friend's family member, we would we would look back at ourselves and say we would regret not making the tough decision in the moment. So we just want to encourage you that if you're dealing with substance abuse or you know addictions of any type in your teenager, uh, you know, reach out, find someone who's been through something similar, and um really want to encourage you to make make the tough decision that's gonna be better for um your child in the long run.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

So was that that was one of your lows as well? Yeah, that was pretty tough. Simply a low for both of us, a pretty big low, and one that we've been living with for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

So all right, what was another one on your list?

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Uh well, let's let's go to a high. Oh, okay. Um for me, it was uh easily uh the birth of our children.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yes. I can still remember the pain of it, but for sure I would agree that um, you know, three births and one adoption and these kids are, you know, just such privileges. Like the hardest and most exciting part of parenting has been walking them into young adulthood.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Yeah, I'll never forget seeing the head of our firstborn come out, and it's just such an incredible, life-changing experience. And as a Christian, it really does give you a whole new perspective on who God the Father is.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Become a parent.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

Yeah, actually, just relating that to even what we're going through with our son, you know, I've never understood the father's love like I have as a parent. Um, or I've never understood the father's love until I became a parent, because you can be disappointed, you can be angry, you can be frustrated, you can be heartbroken by a child, and yet you can love them so fiercely. And I know that's how the father feels about us.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Yeah. And I will just say, kind of on the redemption side of things, I just completed the the bike ride uh with Austin, uh, the 500-plus mile Paul Anderson youth home bike ride that they do every summer. And Austin asked me uh to do the bike ride with him when he found out he got selected, and it was an easy yes for me, even though I wasn't a cyclist. Uh, but spending uh about five days with him uh was just it was such a treat. We were, you know, we were struggling. It was hot, it was humid, uh, it was definitely physically, it was challenging, mentally, it was exhausting. Um, but just seeing the growth in him, it was such a uh replevin experience for me.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

All right, another low.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Oh my gosh. Okay. Um, for me, it was losing our friend Dan about two and a half years ago. Um, you know, we we just haven't lost a lot of people that are really close to us that weren't grandparents. It was sudden and unexpected. Um we love him and his family and his wife dearly, and uh they were a big part of our business, just close friends. We did a lot of life with him. And I think because we continue to do life with Pam and the rest of our coaching organization, um, the pain hasn't really ebbed a lot for me. It just feels like it's always there.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Yeah, that was definitely tough. And, you know, that was one of those experiences where, you know, we got the call from Dave.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Yeah. We also knew before he died that he was in a pretty tough situation, really short notice, and we just begged God. Yeah. And that'll be one that I I hope the Lord can help me understand someday because I remember going to you and praying and just getting on my knees in our gym and saying, you know, please don't take him. Number one, I don't know if he knows Jesus, and I deeply care about that. And um, and number two, just you know, give us more time. We need more time. And uh it wasn't the answer that we wanted. No. And I think that through our experience with Austin and through that experience, I am I just keep having to say, God is a promise keeper and he

The Hardest Parenting Season Yet

SPEAKER_00 15:56

is good even when he doesn't give me what I want. That's really hard.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Yeah. And I can I remember um one of the guests at his funeral coming up to me and just sharing, hey, I want you to know that you're gonna see Dan in heaven. So that was I'm clinging to that. Yeah, absolutely clinging to that. That's um prayer. Yeah, yeah. Uh for me, one of my other lows was when I got the notice that I was gonna be deployed in 2004. Um, and the reality is thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of American families have gone through something similar. So um there's nothing special about our scenario. But this was when the Iraq war was really getting going, and uh, we were in Okinawa together, and it's just the unknown. I was expecting to go to Iraq, expecting to go to I war uh sorry, going to go to war. And uh uh ironically, I ended up spending nine months at Camp Pendleton, California, so it ended up being a much better environment, and it was the highlight of my Marine Corps career. It was a very challenging assignment, but it was also a very rewarding assignment for me. Um, and we ended up with you know probably six weeks together that summer. But once again, the unknown um was it it wrecked our world. It happened, I faced in fact, I think I flew out on Valentine's Day of 2004. And um it was it was just one another one of those moments where we had to really lean into the Lord. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

I was thousands of miles away in a foreign country. Obviously, I had friends, I had a job, but there's been a lot of loneliness in the first half of our marriage just because of military life and uh police work and things, and we got pretty spoiled the last 15 years just living and working together and really having very little time apart that we didn't decide on our own to have.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

But for you, I think our Okinawa community really helped you get through that.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Absolutely incredible community, friends to this day, business partners in our coaching business, many of them, and just really grateful for that. Um, okay, one of my highs in our 28 years of marriage was actually our 25th vow renewal. And I think it was just for me, a quarter of a century felt like a really big deal. I think it is a really big deal, still is. Um, and when we got married, we were young, we didn't have really any finances. We were in the middle of college. Uh, you know, our parents generously threw us a beautiful wedding. Um, but come, you know, later in life, just being able to throw a big party the way I wanted to in the backyard with our closest family and friends, rededicating our commitment to each other, and then just having a lot of fun together and doing it in a modern, fun, updated way was really a blast for me.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

And having our kids be a part of it was fun.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

They were a little bit of turds.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Some of them. Let's just be honest. Not all of them.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Two of the three. Two of the three were not great that night. Well, we have four kids. Sorry, two of the four, 50%, um, were in the middle of their ordinary teenage years where they were very uncooperative, very selfish. And I think today, if those men, they're now men, if they would speak at a ceremony like that, they would be super honoring and it would be a really beautiful thing to watch. I think it was a little bit like pulling teeth for a couple of them, but um, they still got to be there. They've seen us fight for our marriage and they've seen us celebrate the highs and lows. So that for me was a big one.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Yeah. Um for me, the next one I listed was the adoption of Evie. And I know you looped looped that into the birth of our kids. Uh boy, that had highs and lows. It did, it did, but ultimately, like the closure on adoption day, uh, celebrating with some of our closest friends um and family the day of, and just kind of, you know, they had special t-shirts made and you know, they walked us through.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Yeah, a long season. Yeah. It was at least a year of just really contending in our marriage, getting counseling, contending with the courts. Um, for you, it was believing a promise that you were the only one that heard. And that was another situation where the Lord told you something that was so far-fetched and out of nowhere, and you just had the faith to believe it. And then we had the faith to walk it out. You know, we have this leadership principle in coaching that's we lead from the future, but we act in the now. And even though my mind wasn't on the same journey as yours or my heart wasn't in the same place as yours, we still bought the things, did the classes, you know, um, we acted like it was done before it was done.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

And yet we would go to court and they would be like, You're not the people. We're going back to where, you know, other people that were honestly felt far less qualified than us. And we felt, I felt like a second-class citizen in that courtroom. And when we had our visits and things, even though we'd already been raising three kids at that point relatively successfully, um, and we stayed the course, and it just it's hard to believe we went through any of that now looking back, but yeah, and then the actual court date was very exhilarating, and just the you know, the big adoption party was a ton of fun.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

So that was a high. Uh for me, another low was not getting hired by the Corvallis Police Department and that was on my list. 1990, yeah, that was 1999. Uh, we've talked about this many times, but it was gonna more than double our income. We were struggling. I always wanted to be a police officer. Um, and every indication made it look like I was gonna get hired, and I was only 22 when I got the notice that I wasn't gonna get hired. Uh and once again, it rocked our world, but it solidified my resolve to join the Marine Corps, which when we look back, once again, this is one of those things that it was um it rocked us, but we just leaned in and said, All right, God, like we trust you. And it's probably been one of the key markers in our life that when we go through struggles, we go back to that moment and say, Hey, this is something we really wanted. It looked like it was God's will for me to make it as far in the process that I did at such a young age when there were so many applicants, uh, and then to have him what it felt like pull the rug out from underneath us. Uh, but ultimately, I'm so grateful it happened.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

I mean, the course of our life would be so different had I gotten hired.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Completely different. Yeah. And when you think about the fact that God was showing us, gosh, almost 25 years before we needed that information for our decision with Austin, God was showing us that He was faithful, even when we didn't get what we wanted. And um, you know, so for all of you who are listening, you know, you have these markers in your life, whether you're paying attention to them or not, where you've had decisions or pivots happen and you haven't been able to make sense of it, or you've been so far down a path that seemed like the right path, and then things didn't work out. And, you know, we we can't explain all of those things, but as people of faith, we're just gonna say, God is trustworthy. And if you'll stay faithful in the process, you almost always get. To see the blessings on the other side. And for us, our faith is so built that even if we don't get to see the blessings on the other side, we will still trust at this point. We've just we've built up enough over time and he continues to prove trustworthy. But that was a situation where I never even thought about it. But you know, 25 years later, as mature parents, we were gonna have to make a gut-wrenching decision and trust that it was for the best. And, you know, we have we have a track record. We have a long track record of God being faithful to us.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Yeah. How about you?

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Uh okay, so I'm gonna go back in the old memory bank to uh a time when you and I were separated, not maritally separated, but just physically separated when you were going to supply school in North Carolina. I was stuck in Virginia, and it was just a you talk about it in the book, but it was just a really lonely few months for me. I didn't have good community. I had a job I was lonely at. I didn't have a church home. Uh honestly, I've always said this, but if I was in the seasons of life I've lived in the last 15 years with my own friend group and my own peers and just the woman I am today, I probably would have handled it differently. But I was newly married, very lonely. And um, you know, you gave a female Marine a ride home very innocently, but again, it just created a story in my mind that the enemy just ran with all summer long. And it was brutal. I mean, for me, uh, you know, we're gonna talk at

Kids, Redemption, And Fatherhood

SPEAKER_00 24:31

the end about this. I didn't really entertain divorce, but I was close to it. Like I was just so heartbroken, and I felt like you didn't see the seriousness of the situation the way that I did, and because you were sorry and you're like, I won't do that again, and it was no big deal to you, but for me, it was just a story that kept replaying. The wound was very fresh, it was never healed, and we were apart, so we couldn't really, we couldn't sew into our marriage in a healthy way. We had weekends together, and then you went back to your life, and I was stuck where I was in my life, which wasn't really that enjoyable or um edifying or anything at that point. And so, I mean, it was just it was a long season of I don't know how I didn't quit on marriage, but I felt close at that point.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

And I think one of the key elements that was missing was a healthy community, absolutely specifically for you. We had tried.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

I had tried. The I mean, the best I could find was a knitting community there. And if you know anything about me, I am there's nothing about crafts that is ever gonna be in my hobby or repertoire. So yeah, I just struggled. There was no one in my age demographic with any interests similar to mine that I could find any type of connection with, and it was so lonely.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

So that was a transient time of our life. Yeah, very you're I would say an expert at building community now.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Is there anything with your 49 years of experience in life and all the the the You just outed me on the great ways that you've been able to build community? Is there anything that you would do different or advice you would give to a young wife, maybe who is in the military and in a similar spot where they're transient, it's very difficult to build community. Is there anything that you could have done, or is it just like wait it out?

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Um, I mean, it's hard to say. Hindsight would always be 2020. I don't know, you know, if my if my current self went back in time, like if I would how I would have handled it differently, but I probably would have tried harder. Like I felt like I tried and nothing was clicking. But, you know, I had the ability to drive around, I could have tried different churches, you know, I could have gone to more of the wives things and just tried to find those connections more than I did. And I think at that point I was probably just kind of burnt out and you know, I also felt I knew I was only there for a few months. It's really hard to invest in people when you know you're there temporarily, and that's really hard on military families. So shout out to military, we're so grateful for you. Um but yeah, it was, and maybe the Lord even didn't reveal those things to me in that season because I needed to grow up in that season and really figure it out to learn a lesson for the future. Um, because they were probably great communities somehow, and I just didn't figure them out or find them. So when I got to Oakie, I was very lonely as well in Okinawa, but over time built some of my closest friendships in multiple groups of people there, like really to this day, still really good friends with incredible memories and deep roots. And that probably came out of that season of desolation.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Yeah. All right, let's switch to a high for you.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Oh my gosh. Okay. Um, I'm gonna say our Bahamas trips. We take them about once a year, and we started a few years ago, and they are just absolute precious time as a family, unplugged on the water for at least a week, and we're with nature, we're with our kids in the beauty of God's creation with almost no other human beings, and it's just become the most idyllic time of life. It's a little slice of heaven.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Yeah, that's on my list as well. Uh, we as a family think about the memories that we have in those trips and look forward to future ones. Uh, this is no exaggeration on a daily basis. Uh the and pretty frequently. I think the encouragement that I have for other families is to figure out what you can do that's like a regular one thing that I a common theme that I see in like healthy families is that they tend to have that place. I was just talking to my buddy John. And they go to Myrtle Beach.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

I think that's where they go. And it's just like this place that feels like a home away from home, and there's repetition there. Um, and then there's other people that have other locations. And maybe your family is going to thrive more on variety, but I think there's something special about having that special place.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

Shared memories, yes, repeated experiences. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

So I just want to encourage you, it doesn't have to cost a fortune. Um, but find something, a place, something to do where you can go, be active, not just be on your phones.

Grief, Prayer, And Trusting God

SPEAKER_01 29:11

I mean, we pretty much ban electronics unless we're watching a movie together as a family. And it is it just it fills our soul as a family. It creates shared memories as a family. And it's so just really want to encourage it.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

It also teaches our kids why we work hard, you know. I mean, I think, you know, right now we've had a lot of change in business, which is a whole nother podcast. But, you know, as I look the boys in the eye and I look Evie in the eye, and it's like, this is why I work. I work so that we can take this trip once a year. Um, we don't want you to take it for granted. We do it in a really special way. Um, but it's worth it. And it's one of the one of the many whys that we have for creating the life that we have. But it's because of the interactions of the family in that environment that we've decided it's our space.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

We get some buy-in from the kids for sacrifices we have to make during the rest of the year to be able to take that trip. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Get another one?

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Well, um, that was on my list, so I'll just double up on that with you. Um, going back to the lows, uh, and I got recalled uh from the Marine Corps, they're still in the reserves right before our oldest son Carson was born.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Um, and that was a stressful basically.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Uh, and was actually supposed to be at a muster uh the the weekend or the day of his due date. Um it all worked out. I didn't miss his birth, and I was actually um able to get an exemption for going back on active duty because I was an active law enforcement officer, and it was a huge blessing being able to be there for his birth and just you know be there for his first year of life. And uh uh we don't it doesn't go unnoticed for us that there's a lot of families, a lot of military members that miss out on the birth of their child, and then they're not there for uh, you know, those milestones, those special, you know, first steps and things like that. So we're so grateful for uh the sacrifices that our service members make um and that their families make. Uh, we know it really is a team effort, uh, but super grateful that uh at the time it just felt overwhelming, uh, but it worked out for us and super grateful for that.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Definitely because you were not active duty and I was about to have my first baby, I was like, Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

Uh, you know, active duty, you kind of always have that in the back of your mind. But as a reservist, it was who had already served the four years.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

We definitely wasn't a drilling reserve, it came out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Yeah, so that was another way God really provided.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

What's one of your other lows?

SPEAKER_00 31:50

Um, okay, I'll finish with a low and a high because I know we're running on time. And um, they kind of connect. So I'll just say the the challenging relationships that we've had in the last roughly 15 years of life, and there's always going to be highs and lows when you do life with people. It's, you know, people say like the best thing about what I do is people, and the hardest thing about what I do is people. But um, we've just had a number of relationships in business and otherwise that have gone sideways or been broken or created betrayals or misunderstandings. And I think, you know, for me, I have a deep desire for inclusion. I have a deep desire for clarity and closure. So I don't love having broken relationships that don't get fixed. You know, I'm kind of one that will, if I if there's a way we can fix it, I would much prefer that or at least bring clarity so I can move on because it takes up a lot of emotional space for me. Um, and there's been a lot in the last handful of years, and it's come from different directions. And um, I think that's been a big pain point and heartbreak. And I wish it hadn't happened that way. But again, you know, we we can't control other people. Um, and certainly we make mistakes as humans. So that would be my low, is just the pain of all of that. Um, but on the other side would be just the highs of our coaching business and what it provided for us relationally, the deep friendships. I mean, people that are like family to us now and even leading to like people finding Jesus and getting baptized. So Erica's baptism the last year or so a couple years ago would be one of my highs out of the out of that is just out of all these deep relationships, helping people find and follow Jesus more closely, um, because we feel like that's stewardship in our business.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Yeah, I put stories of impact from doing marketplace ministry as one of my highs. Um, and would totally agree. You know, we've uh seen people get saved in Cabo. We saw people get baptized in Cabo. Uh, you know, and then Erica's husband, uh Pancho, got baptized in our swimming pool.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Uh just over a year ago. And, you know, they've come to follow Christ, and it's just been amazing. And there's more stories than we can really count. And then just the reports that we get back from ministries that we've been able to support. Uh, it's just it's awesome to be able to fund the boots on the ground.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

So into the kingdom.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

Yeah. It's uh it's very rewarding, and it's it's really what drives us to keep going. Uh for me, uh, just the last low was when I uh injured my back in it was actually 2007, the year that Carson was born, and it ultimately ended up having back surgery. But it was uh probably the fur well, no, the first time I experienced depression was the first winter in Oregon with 100 straight days of rainfall. Uh, Oregonians with uh seasonal affective disorder was legitimate. But going from I and I wasn't really physically healthy. I I didn't think I don't think I realized how unhealthy I was at the time, but taking my mobility for granted and then enduring a significant back injury uh that severely limited what I could do, tremendous pain, ultimately had surgery, um, which helped, and then uh you helping me get healthy a few years later helped me put me on a path of sustainability.

Military Separation And Finding Community

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Yeah. Um, but that was a tough season. We just know that when people are going through illness and injury, like it hur it physical pain affects all areas. It creates a lot of stress in your life. And uh I'm grateful, feel spoiled that was able to get through it. And we know other people like are dealing with things that have gone on for years, and uh that's tough. The my last high was just incredible sex that gets year after year.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

But I forgot you wrote that down, and you're gonna say that on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

I did because you know, our shout out to me.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Shout out to us. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

We want people to understand that you know that sex is something that God designed. I mean, he is a gift that he gave, he intended for husbands and wives.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

And our culture makes you think that, you know, one night stands and affairs and you know, uh swiping right and things like that is the key to pleasure. And it's not like the truth is it's not uh that you know sometimes people who are skeptical, they're like, oh, isn't gonna get boring having uh you know sex with the same person for your whole life? And we can both say absolutely not. Um, it is absolutely a gift, and uh we're so grateful that God created it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

And we encourage you to wait for it and take care of it. Because if you steward it well in your trusted relationship, it is such a gift. And really if they keep on giving. Yes, our boys are gonna be so gross.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

Just wanna, well, they don't listen, but really want to encourage people that you know marriage is an absolute blessing. It it takes work, it's gonna mature you, it's gonna mold you. And but getting it married young, when I look at back at what are some of the best decisions I ever made, you know, uh other than accepting Jesus as my savior, marrying you is by far the best decision I ever made.

SPEAKER_00 37:06

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Thanks for choosing me. I'm so grateful that you helped finish my brain development uh from 21 to 25, and we just grew up together. And as I have a number of friends who are maybe approaching middle age or even in middle age and single, um, you know, one of the things that they share with me is it's really tough to find a spouse the older you get.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

And we know they're out there and it goes both directions. Uh, but I think that one of the ways that you can prevent that is by being intentional about, you know, unless God has put a call of singleness on your life, He created Adam and Eve. Um He created marriage, and marriage is a good thing. Uh, and we compliment each other. I'm a much better person because you help round me out and you help me. You you're a mirror for me that I didn't necessarily ask for, but I need. So and I don't mean that as an insult, but uh it's we need that spouse. And even good friends don't see what a spouse sees. And so I think that marriage really is uh is a great thing.

SPEAKER_00 38:19

Well, we hope we've given you a little bit of value. We know these are our stories and our experiences, but hopefully just sharing a little bit of you know what you can accomplish and how the Lord can work through you in a marriage that's over a quarter of a century long. Um I do encourage you, if you want a good marriage, to follow people who've been married for a little while and longer. Or longer than us, for sure. Um, but people who've also contended and decided that, you know, they're gonna prioritize their marriage and value it.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

That is one of the keys is surrounding yourself with couples that value marriage and that edify marriage. Yes. If you're married and you're hanging around friends that are divorced or talk trash about their spouse and don't edify marriage, the likelihood you're you have a much bigger chance of ending up divorced. And so I think that probably one of the keys to our success of staying married is that we've always had a community of friends that were like-minded when it comes to marriage, were positive and very supportive. And uh good associations. Yeah. So our secret to not getting divorced is this simply stay married.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

Yep. Don't entertain the idea.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

It sounds trite, and once again, we realize that if you're in an abusive situation, then you know safety is really important and that there are biblical justifications for divorce. But we've seen way too many couples that we are friends with end up divorced. And ultimately it's because they didn't stay married. And it sounds super simple, but the point is if you just decide that you're

Intimacy And The One Rule

SPEAKER_01 39:56

going to stay married, come hell or high water, yeah. Um, barring, you know, abuse or something else like that, that when you don't give yourself an out, you'll probably put your head down and figure out, okay, how can I love my spouse the way that the Lord wants me to love them.

SPEAKER_00 40:16

And you don't weaponize divorce, which again, we just have not allowed that to be a weapon on our tongue.

SPEAKER_01 40:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

You know, so when things are hard, we find a way through. We fight for each other instead of against each other most of the time. Most of the time. Obviously, we still have our our blow-ups and our tiffs, but they're pretty rare when you marry the right person. And so it can be mostly a really fun, joyful experience.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

And ultimately, we always come back together.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

That's right. So thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

Yeah, friends. Thanks for listening. Uh, we're definitely looking forward to getting back on a more regular schedule. And we hope this encourages you, whether you're going through a low right now or a high. We've learned that the highs they don't last forever. Um, but and it's also really helpful, healthy and helpful to have these conversations. Um we do this on a regular basis, and um, it really, especially digging back and going back, you know, throughout the history of your life or your marriage, um, will give you those reminders of okay, we made it through some tough things. So if you're going through something tough right now, you're gonna be able to get through it. Uh, we don't want to minimize what you're going through, but you can do it, and we're here for you. And we just want to really encourage you that you can thrive in every area of your life. Thanks, friends.