Game-Changing Strategies for Couplepreneurs Who Refuse to Choose Between Love and Success (Part 2)

Speaker 1: 0:00

Imagine waking up every day, feeling energized and aligned with your spouse, both at home and at work.

Speaker 2: 0:06

Our goal with Couplepreneurs is to help you build life and business and love all together without having to sacrifice one or the other.

Speaker 1: 0:21

Welcome back Uncommon Freedom Fighters. I'm Kevin Tinter, joined again by my beautiful and brilliant co-host and wife, becca Tinter Beck. We're wrapping up our two-part series where we're talking about five of unconventional strategies for couplepreneurs.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Exactly, couplepreneurs. Exactly. So. We did the first two and now we're going to do the last three of these unconventional strategies for a couplepreneurs who want an amazing partnership in love and business. So we're really excited to pick up with number three, All right.

Speaker 1: 0:55

So on to number. Three of five is starting with a daily alignment practice. Beck are weekly meetings. Enough for couplepreneurs.

Speaker 2: 1:04

So our theory is that it really depends on where you are with your relational equity with each other. You know we talked, I think, in our previous podcast not this series, but the one we did right before this where we were talking about it really depends what you have in your relational bank account. You know some couples their marriages at this point that you're listening to this podcast, they might be doing really well and you're just trying to like up level and figure out how to work with business and family better. Some of you are at struggle point or just a beginning point of a business, and so you might be coming in like man. Our communication strategies are not working well. So I would say, um, when weekly meetings aren't enough for staying in sync with um each other, then it really depends on, again, the time you've been married, how your communication strategy is right now and are you able to do the dailies as needed. So that's kind of where we're at. Like we have been working together a long time, 13 years.

Speaker 2: 1:57

Our marriage is at a really healthy place right now, and so normally what we do is we have a weekly date day and we'll go through business, we'll go through personal, we'll have alone time, and that is a good touch point for us. We also do a weekly meeting with our assistant, so we're going through kind of a lot of our scheduling things on that one particular day, which is actually on Mondays. So they're two different things, but for some couples they're really struggling until they need to bring it into a closer conversation. So they're not waiting until once a week to go through things. And that's when we would recommend like a daily alignment meeting, maybe only for 15 minutes at either the beginning or the end of your day, and and the questions we would ask would be like what's coming up for us today or tomorrow morning that we are going to start dealing with?

Speaker 2: 2:38

Uh, what needs clarification? Are there any possible pitfalls we're going to run into tomorrow like, oh my gosh, we have two things scheduled at the same time and we weren't prepared for that, or it's going to be stressful when so-and-so gets home from this situation. How are we going to handle that and also, who is doing what? So that can be a really important piece if you need that touch point once a day yeah, it's better to over communicate and under communicate and until you get into a rhythm of where you kind of know schedules and you know flow.

Speaker 2: 3:09

It's probably better to have this every single day than to assume that you don't exactly, and because we work on a schedule where we have, you know, every other day is a work day for each of us and the other day is for the other person to handle family stuff, it means that we have I think we we've de-inflicted a lot of things just through doing it that direction.

Speaker 2: 3:29

But if you're, if you don't have a schedule like that set up with your spouse, you are building a business and working from home and raising a family together you are probably going to need a daily touch point.

Speaker 2: 3:38

And now, when I'm thinking, like in the morning, that would be really difficult for us. We don't, we tend to get up at around the same time, but our mornings are already very busy with kids and unless we get up at 5 am or very, very early, which you don't love to do it's hard to have enough quiet time to really connect with each other. But evenings would be doable and we could do that and that would be a space that we would probably create for ourselves. So, again, this practice is to calibrate your priorities, your energy and your intention, and so you're making sure that you're going into the day or that you're wrapping up a day without a lot of miscommunication pieces that can cause conflict, yeah, and the benefit of doing this is that you're going to have less uh, less conflict, less misunderstandings, and so the benefits will spill into all areas of your life, and your marriage, exactly, and your parenting.

Speaker 2: 4:26

All right. So now our last two are probably our favorite from your favorite chapter of the book called Lifestyle Design. So number four is to manage your energy like a pro athlete. And why Kev do couplepreneurs need to manage their energy and not just their time?

Speaker 1: 4:46

Well, we have learned over the last 13 years that energy management is one of the most important disciplines to be successful.

Speaker 1: 5:00

We have learned that there are because everything comes from the energy that we have that there are people that we choose not to spend time with or to spend less time with, and we call it it's energy management. They're either negative, demanding, and it just it really sucks life out of us and, ultimately, when you have your energy or your life getting sucked out of you, you're going to be less capable of doing what you're truly passionate about. You know what you're here. You know as far as, like reaching your potential, maximizing your impact, energy management is so important. It stems from what we talk about many times. You know every yes has to be defended by a thousand no's, and so it's crucial and we're constantly pouring out.

Speaker 2: 5:49

If you are a high level achiever, a couplepreneur, building life and excuse me family and business at the same time, you are likely pouring out a lot and just like the airplane analogy of putting your oxygen mask on first, the other way to look at it is we can't pour from an empty cup, so we have to get filled ourselves. For many of us, that means paying close attention to our actually, for all of us, it should be paying close attention to your sleep. Your body needs restorative sleep and so managing your sleep routine and hygiene is really important. The food that you put in your body we obviously believe in that. Putting whole, healthy food in your body is important. Exercise, getting the endorphins going, making sure you're taking care of your physical body and then speaking and intaking positive truth. It's not just our physical health, it's our mental health.

Speaker 2: 6:36

So what are you putting in the majority of your mind during the day? You know, are you listening to trashy TV and trashy music? Or are you putting in podcasts and ways to grow and worship music? Because what we put in is often what comes out. So first we need to do that and then also, what you were referring to is just to take an audit really of our energy givers and our energy takers. Now, these could be people, but they also could be activities. But also, what do we do with them, like if we've assessed? Okay, you know, I know there's things in my life that take my energy or give it, you know? First of all, how do people identify that?

Speaker 1: 7:12

Well, a great tool is in this chapter of my book there is a, we have a energy audit worksheet. It's really helpful for people to just identify and I think a lot of times we're not aware of it, but when you take some time and you think about um, you know who you spend time with, uh, and how you feel afterwards, or maybe even the anxiety that you have beforehand going into it going into it.

Speaker 1: 7:41

it's a great way. You know what I mean. There's, there might be friends or I'll use air quotes friends and people that just, for whatever reason, out of habit, you spend time with by default and you realize, oh my gosh, like when I know that they're coming over, I'm going to do something with them, Like I have anxiety, I'm like you know what, what embarrassing thing are they going to say or do, or awkward position are they going to put me in?

Speaker 1: 8:05

or something like that, and it creates anxiety. Obviously a lot of people experience this. Or if you think about, you know, holiday gatherings, things like that with family, uh, that can definitely be the case and then energy givers.

Speaker 2: 8:19

I mean, we want to spend time with them too. So you know, for example, yesterday my calendar was pretty packed with coffee dates and you, you know, I went to two coffees in a row, uh, with two good friends, uh, julie and Karen, and, honestly, number one. I was looking forward to it. I was really excited to spend time with both of them and I enjoyed every minute of it. I left the first coffee date refreshed from the time with Julie and headed to my second one with Karen, and we sat there for an hour and a half and I thought to myself while I was sitting there, I was very present with myself because of what we do and we're very relational and I thought I love this conversation. It's a give and take. We're both like-minded moms and we're, you know, trying to create like-minded families and we're raising our kids with values that are similar and we're just relatable and I loved every minute of it and it was very life-giving to me and again, so I want to do more of those because that's healthy for me and it's easier for me to come home refreshed and not feel drained when I'm doing it. So take the assessment.

Speaker 2: 9:14

The other thing is, if you're trying to audit energy givers and takers in your life and remember it's not just people, it could be activities that you commit yourself to, um, and we have a great podcast on what to say yes and no to if you want to reference back to that. But sometimes you just might ask a spouse like hey, do you think you know this is how I feel doing this activity? Maybe your spouse will give you feedback A counselor or a trusted friend can sometimes give you input on some of these but also just increasing your awareness I think you mentioned this on how you feel before, during and after the things that you give your time to, because we will start to notice and once you start doing it enough, you won't need to use an energy audit tool. You'll just naturally know those things about yourself.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Yeah, and part of this is we're not saying that you're going to love everything that you're going to do, right. But the flip side is, if you have the option to say yes or no to multiple things and we know we can't say yes or we shouldn't say yes to everything the key is to identify. Am I saying mostly yeses to things that fill me up, so you can serve in a way that fills you up, um, or you can serve in a way that just you really don't. It drains your energy, um. You know, just as an example, um, you know now plugging in more at our church, the greeter type positions.

Speaker 1: 10:30

I'll do that if necessary, but it is not something that fills me up. Like it. I actually really I don't really enjoy it. I'll do it out of necessity, but it's not my favorite thing to do. Flip side when I'm on the worship team. I love that, I look forward to that. So two ways to serve, and I think it's because one is. I mean, I'm an introvert, so saying hi to stranger after stranger after stranger. It drains my energy and I'm willing to do it when necessary, on the holidays and things like that when they need extra people, but it's not something that I normally say yes to, and there's other people who love it and they absolutely thrive, and they, you know, they leave a Sunday where they say hi to stranger after stranger, feeling, you know, invigorated.

Speaker 2: 11:14

That would be Dylan, our third son, who is 13 and highly extroverted, knows no stranger and is so good at that type of a job, and so we constantly think, you know, dylan would be a great fit for this kind of a thing, because that's something that fills his cup and something that he's gifted with. So, again, if you want to be a high performance achiever in your business and you also want to have capacity for family life, this is something you're going to want to measure and you're going to want to protect and you're going to want to think about and also how we schedule our days and our weeks for peak performance. You know, some people schedule themselves so that they're actually doing very low level activities when they have their highest brain performance. And if you are a high performer, you're thinking when am I at my best and how do I make sure to schedule my days and my weeks for peak performance?

Speaker 2: 12:05

As Kevin mentioned, I'm not great at night. You know. I generally wake up early in the morning and my brain is starting to shut down, you know, by 9 PM. So you know, doing difficult things recording podcasts, um, or having hard conversations and things like that don't aren't good for me after 9 PM, so I try to avoid those. I'm really on fire in the mornings and so I work really well, and I want to use most of my productive time in the morning, when I'm wide awake and ready to go.

Speaker 1: 12:30

So and then as far as some practical tips for optimizing your physical, mental, emotional energy, the just the concept of you know making sure that your battery is full or that you have a full cup or at least something in your cup to pour out from, is really important. Some things you know. One of the most foundational things is good sleep, and so you know turning screens off, you know creating an environment. You know that, as a general rule, is cool, so you sleep better. It's quiet, it's dark uh, you know I'll throw this out there even a, a sleep mask, if you cannot afford high-quality blackout blinds, a sleep mask, like when I was a cop and I would work nights like I needed to sleep during the daytime. I didn't even know about a sleep mask, or I didn't have one.

Speaker 2: 13:19

It would have been very helpful for you. It would have been very helpful.

Speaker 1: 13:21

We were on a tight budget. We bought blackout blinds from a company that sold budget blinds and they worked okay and it was kind of a slow thing. But just a blackout mask or an eye mask can make a huge difference in the quality of your sleep because knowing that willpower, which is something that helps us make good decisions versus bad decisions, is always its strongest at the day. The way I've heard this analogy is that it's like a battery you charge it overnight and you use it all day long. Which is why most people make poor decisions, especially when it comes to diet, in the evening is because that battery has been drained. Imagine, you know, charging up your um, your power saw or your drill overnight. You start using it during the day. By the end of the day, there's very little juice left and that's why people make poor decisions. So understanding just the importance of sleep, but as far as to, as far as recharging your body, um, having a good morning routine is really important say book ending your days.

Speaker 1: 14:17

Yes, and you know some things that we've been learning about through some different podcasts and speakers and books. Uh, things like grounding getting sunshine in the morning, if you live somewhere where you can do that um, my natural pathropath for over a year is like I want you to spend 10 minutes outside with shirt off getting morning sunshine. It really just invigorates you and I'm doing that most of the time. There's just a lot of different things you can do to create that routine. Even some good deep breathing exercises are very helpful.

Speaker 2: 14:48

Absolutely Okay. We're moving on to number five, which is to cultivate an unshakable abundance mindset.

Speaker 1: 14:59

So when you think of abundance mindset, it's something that we use on a regular basis. The abundance mindset versus the poverty mindset how would you describe that? I'm putting you on the spot.

Speaker 2: 15:08

You are.

Speaker 1: 15:09

But how would you describe that right now? And if you don't, if you're not ready, I'll, I'll.

Speaker 2: 15:13

I feel like you know, abundance used to be for me strictly related to money, when someone used that term, and now I understand it's a way of thinking where you picture, um, how to do the most with what you have available, how to do what's best you're best suited for, versus do all the things. It's also how do you create finances to bless other people and have more than enough for your family? You know, to make memories and to take care of what your family needs, how to give generously. So for me it's kind of a broad term where scarcity, I think, is that there's not enough pieces of the pie for everyone.

Speaker 1: 15:48

So would you say, scarcity kind of operates from fear Absolutely, and abundance operates love faith Definitely, uh and not just like a you know a fake hope of like well, you know, I think there'll be plenty.

Speaker 2: 16:03

Like like an optimistic, you know uh, but a with a wise operating system. Yeah, like what you're preparing and you're making wise decisions, but you're not operating in a fear we.

Speaker 1: 16:15

We identified, we learned that like a scarcity mindset that we used, uh, or behavior was I'm gonna do the yard, um, because I want it done my way. Um, I enjoy cutting grass. I don't really like the rest of the chores that go into keeping a nice yard, and certainly a huge yard like we have now. But it was like, well, it's going to cost us money if we pay someone else, you know they might not do the stripes the way I like them. That's kind of that operating from a fear standpoint, where the flip side is okay. There's better things I can do with my time. I could spend it with my kids. If I'm paying someone else, I'm actually allowing them to work in their genius right or at least make a living, even if it's not their necessarily their genius, and I'm freeing myself up to go do other things spend time with my kids, build my business, relax and, you know, practice worship music for church or something like that.

Speaker 2: 17:08

Yeah, exactly. So it costs me to do this, to delegate, or I'm making an investment, or I'm spending my time on more valuable things. That's what we really want you to think about when it comes to having an unshakable abundant mindset. So why an abundant mindset is the ultimate competitive advantage. We just mentioned this because we aren't all taking from the same pie. So someone with scarcity says to themselves like there's one pie, and if you take more than one slice, I'm not going to get any.

Speaker 2: 17:36

And the truth is, in an abundant world, you think we can make more pies. There's enough ingredients, there's enough desire in the marketplace for people to get pies. So I'm going to keep duplicating um. You know my business model, my finances, uh, my, the way I operate in relationships, because I realized I can make more pies and they're not all just for me. And I think that's really important for people to shift because, again, when you operate out of fear, it will cripple your decisions. You will tend to make more um because your decisions are more fear-based, probably more foolish decisions, and even it'll just keep you from opportunities. I think that God can provide for you. So it's important to start to switch that mindset. The chapter in the book is really, really good about that and really how to just shift that? How do you feel like we've reframed like challenges and disagreements from an abundance perspective?

Speaker 1: 18:27

Well, certainly the investing in help has probably been one of the biggest decisions. Actually, I'll go back to one of the key, pivotal decisions we made in June of 2011.

Speaker 2: 18:45

Okay, Take me back.

Speaker 1: 18:46

Where you were in the business. I was not. You came to me and said hey, you know I'd been hearing enough of you listening and talking that I knew that our company's convention was coming up.

Speaker 1: 19:02

And in my mind it was nothing but an expense. And you came to me like, hey, I want to go. I was like, absolutely not. You just started this business. We don't really know. You know, is this a long-term thing? Like we're going to wait, like we need to wait and kind of it needs to prove itself to us before we go spend money. And then, through conversations, listening, realization, you know, maybe just God kind of working on my heart, I realized, well, wait a minute. Maybe just God kind of working on my heart, I realized, well, wait a minute, there's not a single business really that you can start without making some type of an investment.

Speaker 2: 19:40

At this point you'd invested about $200, which is nominal, already made that back.

Speaker 1: 19:46

You had already made that back significantly and we're starting to make an amount of income that was really catching my attention and really starting to create some breathing room in our finances, to the point where I was like, okay, maybe I don't have to kill myself working 20 hours of overtime per week. And I remember realizing, okay, we have two options. We can either say we'll wait for a year and see if the business proves itself to us, or and then we'll have to build from there- Right.

Speaker 1: 20:15

And whatever investment we make, it's delayed a year or we can make the investment now and okay, what's the worst-case scenario? But if it happens to help us grow because we went, how much further could we be? And maybe it's just all the talks and books and lessons I've read about retirement, investing and understanding the power of time, the power of compound interest. I think it was Albert Einstein talked about the fact that compound interest is one of the most powerful forces in this world that most people don't have an appreciation for. And I realized okay, with a little bit of success, that you had experienced. What if we made this investment? And what if it grew?

Speaker 2: 21:05

If it didn't.

Speaker 1: 21:06

What's the worst case scenario?

Speaker 2: 21:07

We won't do it again is what you said. We won't do it next year if it doesn't pay off. But if it did grow, grow where could?

Speaker 1: 21:10

we be. And if you had told me where we would be a year later heck, you told me where we'd be six months later. I would have said you're probably crazy, but because we made that decision. And then the reality is, when we look back, the compound effect of the decisions, of all the, the dominoes that got knocked over in that period of time, where would we be had we not gone? I shudder to think like making that decision.

Speaker 2: 21:36

We wouldn't be here doing this podcast. That's quite likely, Quite possibly With any credibility, yeah absolutely. Yeah, so there are daily practices that really help you strengthen your abundance muscle, both as an individual and as a couple, and so if this is something that you're like man, I'm not there yet, my muscle is weak we ask you to take the time really to invest in this. It will shift your mindset.

Speaker 1: 21:56

Gratitude.

Speaker 2: 21:57

Gratitude is a big one, and who you spend your time with will really influence this muscle building activity. So we have become master delegators and it's because we saw friends ahead of us doing the same thing and we were like, oh, that makes sense. You know, they don't cut their own grass, they don't clean their own toilet.

Speaker 1: 22:15

Yeah, when we had our friends, uh, doug and tia, when we saw them, when I saw them, you know he had a lawn guy or whatever landscaper. Um, you know, the bias that I had was like that seems kind of snooty, like why don't you cut your own grass? But then then I realized it's because you spent. You know you're using that time to spend time with your kids or to build your business, and it doesn't hurt, like you're helping someone else, especially when you're in business. You know, if you're a government employee, you don't necessarily have a mindset and I was at the time but you realize, when you're in business, every customer you have is helping you live and provide for your family and to provide for the other people that you employ.

Speaker 1: 22:51

Um, and then even housekeeping, it was like, oh, it was like that was something we'd never seen our parents do, right, but, um, it freed us up. You know, when you're laying on your deathbed, are you going to say, boy, I wish I had vacuumed more of my carpets and clean more of my toilets, or, man, I wish I had spent more of my time with my spouse or my kids, and that's the reality. So, but there are a lot of people that still struggle with this concept of delegating in abundance and they view everything as a cost versus an investment, and and spending time with the right people will be a game changer.

Speaker 2: 23:29

It will. So, hopefully, that's why you're spending time with us. And just to wrap this one up, you know, going back to what you just talked about with investing, you know the way we like to frame it is that delegation is to time, like compound interest is to money. So when you can delegate, you can learn to multiply time really, and it's such a gift. So we're going to recap the five unconventional strategies in our Couplepreneur Playbook, so walk us through what we have covered in these last two podcasts.

Speaker 1: 23:56

All right. So the first is to ditch the divide and conquer mentality and create true synergy. Second is to have the roles and goals conversation immediately and revisit it regularly, because our roles do switch. Start a daily alignment practice to stay in sync. Manage your energy like pro athletes for peak performance. There is a great book called Winning with the number one. I'm drawing a blank, tim Grover.

Speaker 2: 24:28

No, yeah, you said that.

Speaker 1: 24:29

I'm sorry I thought I heard something else. So tim grover, um great book on just kind of some of the disciplines of elite athletes like michael jordan, kobe bryant, and then to cultivate an unshakable abundance mindset in life and business there you have it, our five favorite strategies to thrive as partners in business and in love.

Speaker 2: 24:51

But, friends, you know us. Knowledge is not enough. It's time to take action.

Speaker 1: 24:55

So our advice is to pick one of these strategies to implement this week or over the next month. Have that conversation, schedule that alignment practice. Start reframing those limiting beliefs, whatever seems most important to you. Start doing that now.

Speaker 2: 25:10

Now, if you found this episode helpful, please share it with another entrepreneur couple in your life. Plus, if this was up your alley, you have to get a copy of Kevin's latest book, the Seven Disciplines of Uncommon Freedom. Again, you're my best friend and I wouldn't plug this just because I love you, but this book has gotten rave reviews. We've gotten so many messages from people. It is a leadership development book, a personal development book. It will grow you in your faith, your family, your business and so many different areas of life and really help you level up. So I'm really proud of the work that you did and I'm very excited for every person to get a copy of this book and read it.

Speaker 1: 25:49

Yeah, and super honored to have some amazing authors endorse the book John Maxwell, john Bevere, as well as some other people that I know personally. Well, I know both of them personally, but others that I know personally that might not be as well known to the general public as those two guys, but, bottom line, if you like John Bevere, if you like John Maxwell, if you like the concepts that we're talking about, this book is going to reinforce all of those things. So you can grab a copy on Amazon or Audible and I do read the book to you. And please remember to leave a five-star review. That's really helpful. Keeps me up in the algorithms so that my book pops up when you search for topics related to the book, and then we will see you all next week.