Do Opposites Attract?

Speaker 1: 0:19

Hey friends, welcome to the Uncommon Freedom Show with Kevin and Becca On special location. On location in Puerto Penasco, Mexico.

Speaker 2: 0:31

Ie Rocky Point for the gringos.

Speaker 1: 0:33

Better known as Rocky Point to the many Arizonans who come down here for vacation. The sun has set, so we're going to be losing lighting, but we figured. Maybe you can hear the crashing of the waves in the background and we are sitting on a beautiful beach. Would you call it a beautiful beach?

Speaker 2: 0:51

I'd call it an okay beach.

Speaker 1: 0:58

Yeah, it's a beach.

Speaker 2: 0:59

Our favorite beaches are in the Bahamas, which is very hard to compare to.

Speaker 1: 1:01

Even compared to Hawaii, the Bahamas are exponentially better. That's the word that comes to mind. The standard has been set very high, but we're enjoying it here, big zoomers, yes. So today, after that long introduction, we're going to talk about do opposites attract? Right, you hear the saying opposites attract, and I don't know that it's always true. I think there are some, there is some truth to that, uh, but I think there's actually being marrying. A complete opposite can cause a lot of conflict in a relationship. What do you think, becca?

Speaker 2: 1:37

Yeah, I mean, we've often had couples that we've been friends with where we've said, like you know, one person is really into fitness and the other person hates exercise, and it's like, huh, they don't have like a lot in common in that department. What's another example One person loves sex and the other person's like I'm not a fan.

Speaker 1: 1:54

That is definitely not a good combination. We don't reckon on that combo? Definitely not. Another example would be vacation preferences. So if one absolutely prefers beaches and warm, sunny locations and the other one prefers a cabin on the mountain with snow or something like that.

Speaker 2: 2:19

I've also known people who are really adventuresome and their spouse doesn't like to do anything adventuresome, which I mean you can work through some of those things really like adventuresome and their spouse doesn't like to do anything yes, yeah, yeah, which I mean you can work through some of those things um I.

Speaker 1: 2:27

I think the opportunity is a sick growth point and it uh. Then it becomes obvious that a way for you to show love to your spouse is to do something that they don't love how well do you compromise on?

Speaker 1: 2:42

the downside of your spouse. The downside is that everything you do ends up becoming really a compromise by one spouse or the other, and maybe over time you can learn um to enjoy things that your spouse does enjoy. But I think as a general rule, you're going to find that every time you're doing what your spouse enjoys, it's actually more of a sacrifice instead of both of you enjoying it to the fullest true, yes.

Speaker 2: 3:09

So I mean, obviously it's rare for people to have, like you know, absolutely exact personalities. I would say we're pretty close in that. We have a lot of shared interests and that's probably the magic. Um, you know, are we the same? We're both neat people but like you're on the far spectrum of like.

Speaker 1: 3:25

Oh, you consider yourself neat compared to some.

Speaker 2: 3:32

uh, you know, it's like I remember early in our marriage what I liked is you were never super critical about it, but like the bath mat would be hung up, perfectly, and then I would like throw it up there there. So it was hanging up and it wasn't left on the ground, but it would be askew, and then over time I'd be like, oh my gosh, like Kevin just straightens it every time he walks by.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Well, do you want me to beat you for not putting it up properly, or do you just want me to fix it so that it's right?

Speaker 2: 3:56

But also I just realized like it looks nicer straight. I can see why he straightens it, and so over time I've worked to be a little bit more.

Speaker 1: 4:04

It's called covered and aligned.

Speaker 2: 4:06

It's a Marine Corps thing, okay, but also on the far end of the spectrum is the person that, literally, when they move the furniture for anything like measures with a tape measure, marks it on the floor.

Speaker 1: 4:14

Oh no, that is not. That is the right way to do it. You should see how long it takes us just to move the furniture and any guarantee you would do the same exact thing, you're not a home decorator I could be you could be I could be so yes, kevin is very fastidious about most things.

Speaker 2: 4:31

Uh, if the towel is not placed back on the towel hanger, what's it called a towel rack? Towel bar towel bar towel hook in the kitchen, like because I'm cooking. I'm always moving around very quickly and so, like lots of times it's like dry my hand, throw on the counter. I know it's in the kitchen, I know it's dry my hair, toss it over my shoulder.

Speaker 1: 4:51

So I wash my hands. I'm trying to dry some fruit where might?

Speaker 2: 4:56

I find a towel but when it comes to cooking, I was just talking to one of my clients today about the difference between the two of us cooking, and I can cook everything for dinner in like one pan. I clean up as I go, there's almost nothing to do kathy makes a meal and it's like the entire pots and pans.

Speaker 2: 5:11

I hate cooking threw up in the kitchen. They're all dirty, everything's got crusty things stuck on it and I'm like we're gonna be cleaning up for the next two hours, which maybe it's just your way of trying to get out of cooking which it's not your way of trying to get out of cooking, which it's not my way of trying to get out, but it works.

Speaker 1: 5:26

I eat cooking.

Speaker 2: 5:27

It's something you can improve on if you wanted to, so getting a lot of shared interests.

Speaker 1: 5:31

No, I think the reality is what's really important is shared values and beliefs. Okay, I think that's the important thing in a marriage and in relationship, because you think about it, um, um, if we were opposite ends on the spectrum politically, that would cause a lot of conflict and strife. But the shared values, I think is really important because it number one, it helps align us on a mission and, but, going back to shared values, I just it gives us a common mission. So, when you think about some of the things that we support, um, the things we're both passionate, think about some of the things that we support, um, the things we're both passionate about, and we have different things that we're passionate about, but, as a general rule, um, we're together on those. Um, when it comes to giving, it's a lot easier for us to support giving things because we have those shared uh, those shared values.

Speaker 2: 6:18

You have to have very.

Speaker 1: 6:19

Oh my gosh yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:20

Um, I mean, obviously, on the front end it's like do you want to have kids? Do you want a big family? A small family? But when you think about the energy it takes to raise little humans into grown adults, um, you know, we don't agree on everything. We definitely have some things we've had to talk through and that we don't, you know we disagree on, but the values that we share are absolutely aligned, and even just the value of being mostly unified in our parenting decisions or disagreeing, you know, kind of offline if we need to. And then coming back to our kids, um, basically not allowing our kids to divide us.

Speaker 2: 6:55

You know even if we don't agree on everything is important, because otherwise kids will play off of those weaknesses. They're creative little monsters at times, and um yeah. So I think shared values are important. I think some shared interests are important.

Speaker 1: 7:10

Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 7:11

You know we started dating when we were 19. So we call it being dirt poor, because we were. We didn't have a lot of money, so we did things like biking, playing card games together I almost said pickleball, but that wasn't around back then.

Speaker 1: 7:24

Racquetball.

Speaker 2: 7:25

Popular racquetball, throwing the softball around and just doing things that were, like outdoor activities, free. I see a lot of couples that build their relationships, you know, obviously online initially nowadays, and then they also build them on, just like dinner and movies, and you know there's nothing wrong with that, but you don't have as much conversation time sitting there watching a movie together as you do playing game or no, I think that physical activity, shared interests, is really important, because those are things that you can do Generally.

Speaker 1: 7:53

I mean some that you can do without costing any money. But I just think about, you know, prior to meeting you, one of the things I learned was that, man, I really want to end up marrying someone who has shared interests with me that will want to be. You know to play catch. You know even throw a football, uh, toss a Frisbee, uh, play racquetball, go biking, be active, cause that was something that was important to me. Um, if we didn't have that, once again there's just a lot, there's a lot more energy that goes into making sacrifices, Um, and and having that shared interest, because I think that, especially for a man, that side-by-side activity is so important.

Speaker 1: 8:34

At the same time, doing things together is a great way to get a man to start to talk, and we know that that conversation time is really important to a woman. So I think that having those shared interests and yet not as a general, also not expecting that everything be shared, you know, for example, I know a lot of people who enjoy golf with their spouse. Golf is something that you really have no interest in it, and there's other activities that what's what's an activity you have that I have no interest in? Can you think of anything? Golf is what I can think of for you, but that's something that you've released me to do with friends or by myself.

Speaker 2: 9:15

I don't know, I don't have as many hobbies as you do nowadays, but, um, I don't know playing volleyball.

Speaker 1: 9:19

Uh-huh Okay.

Speaker 2: 9:20

You might, you might enjoy it, but I don't think not the way that you do.

Speaker 1: 9:24

Yeah, and for for many years you played in a women's volleyball league.

Speaker 2: 9:27

Yeah, so when I would go play volleyball on Sunday afternoons, that was always really fun. So, yeah, but again, I'll ride on the golf cart with you, sometimes just for fun, but most of the time I just give you the freedom to go, you know, with the guys and do your thing and enjoy the time together.

Speaker 1: 9:40

Or with your Aunt Kim, yeah, and we've also found that, especially when we have that alone time, it's kind of a good recharge time for us individually and it, um, it makes coming back together, uh, that much more exciting. That much more exciting. That much more exciting. Yes.

Speaker 1: 9:57

And uh yeah, so I. I just want to encourage all of our listeners, uh, and watchers, especially if you're not married yet. I mean if you're not married yet. I mean if you're married, this is not licensed to exactly make the best of it. This is not licensed to say, oh, kevin and Becca said I married my opposite, so get divorced. We're definitely not saying that.

Speaker 1: 10:18

But if you aren't yet married, really align yourself on values and beliefs. You know, from a religious standpoint, from a political standpoint, from a philosophical standpoint. You know, how are you going to raise your kids? Are you going to be kid centric or parent centric? I mean that will cause a tremendous amount of conflict. Amount of conflict. I think one of the biggest issues that we see, uh, in friends, couples that we, that we know, is drastically different approaches to parenting, right, um, and you have one parent kind of saying the opposite of the other parent. A lot of times it ends up making one parent the constant bad guy, the other one the good guy, and that isn't fair, it's not right and it will. It will cause a lot of conflict.

Speaker 2: 11:10

And even your roles in marriage. I mean, you know we don't talk about rules as often anymore and I don't think we talked about it as much. Rules in marriage, in other words, some people want a very traditional, you know, like the wife is going to stay home and raise the kids and take care of the household and the husband's going to be the one to go to work. I don't think that's as common anymore. But one of the things that I enjoyed is I don't even know if we had the discussion, we just started doing all the things together.

Speaker 1: 11:33

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:33

And even though you're the head of our household and I respect you in that role we have a mutual respect. We co-le friends come in and maybe you know they started out in a more traditional role and then the woman wanted to do something on the side or, you know, the husband hasn't been helpful. These are very stereotypical things, but it's interesting to watch them navigate that because it's like how they grew up and they grew up very different from each other but they didn't have a conversation. So just things that are worth navigating on the front end if you can. You know we always say go upstream if you can and solve a problem before you have a downstream issue. And so you know, good luck to all of you out there and hopefully this has brought a little bit of value.

Speaker 1: 12:15

Yeah, and thank you so much for bearing with a more light-hearted approach to an episode. We're enjoying it and I don't know if we're going to edit out all of my dinner that was left over in my mouth or not, but we're just real people trying to offer value Podcast, talking in the dark. Yes.

Speaker 2: 12:37

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Speaker 1: 12:39

Absolutely. Have a great day. Thanks for listening to the Uncommon Freedom Show. We believe freedom isn't man's invention. It was created by God. If you are enjoying the show, please give us a five-star review on the platform you're listening to us on, then subscribe and share with friends and family that you think will enjoy the show. You can connect with us at beckandkevcom for more resources to learn biblical principles, essential disciplines and the winning habits that help, once average people lead the life they want instead of accepting the life they were given.